A very weird mood

I'm in one of my weird moods again where I feel like I should be doing something useful or interesting....but there's nothing there. Nothing to do. Sure, I could putter around the apartment cleaning something (although it's pretty tidy right now), but that's not the kind of something I want. I don't know, I guess occasionally I feel like a very boring individual. Like I need to get a job or plan ultra-interesting things for us to do as a family. I like being a stay-at-home mommy, so it's not like I really want or need the extra stress and commitment of a job. I just feel like I should be contributing financially sometimes. But there's no way I'd put my kids in daycare (especially once I have a newborn) and daycare costs would just take all of whatever paycheck I was getting anyway. So what's the point? John and I have had this discussion MANY times and he prefers me staying home while the kids are little. He has said that he thinks it would be good for me to find some sort of "hobby" to do that I could sell on eBay or something. And I do agree (oh, how I would love it). But eBay selling can be very hit or miss and I might just end up wasting time and money by trying it. So I'm back where I was.

It's also a little frustrating to hear about all sorts of fun things that other families do. We don't do many fun things as a family and it can really suck. With John working full time and going to school 3 nights a week and working on his senior project on the weekends.....that doesn't leave much time to do anything. And the free time that IS there, well, John wants to spend that precious free time relaxing at home. And honestly, I can't blame him. If I were gone that much, I'd want to be at home as much as possible too. Problem there is that I'm not gone that much. I'm at home that much. I like going outside and doing things with my family, but it just doesn't happen. We are planning on going to a pumpkin patch on Sunday afternoon though. Aiden will get to choose his own pumpkin and I hear they have free hay rides, so that should be fun. I'm looking forward to seeing if they have any apple butter in the farm store (yum yum!). It's supposed to be sunny, so I'm expecting a gorgeous fall day for this rare family outing.

I know this won't last forever. John will be done with school soon and the kids will get to be school-age and I'll get a small job. It's hard to struggle with feeling completely useless, especially when deep down I know that I'm not. I'm raising a very confident, independent, healthy little boy and will be providing him with a little brother to boss around. My husband is happy, my home is clean, and we have no major complaints. So why do I feel useless? I don't know. And if anyone can give me some sort of insight, I'd be eternally grateful.