Some struggles

This last week has felt very long. I'm dealing with many tests of strength right now and I think I'm failing most of them.

I am still struggling with my grandma's passing. I'm still getting emotional at random times each day and I keep going over so many "If I'd only....". There were so many times I thought of calling, but didn't. We'd discussed flying out to visit, but never set a solid time frame. I can't go back and change anything and that really, really stinks. I hope she knew that I loved her and thought about her often. I'd like to stop kicking myself for not calling, but I think it will take a while.

On top of that, John's grandfather's condition seems to have gone downhill. He was taken out of ICU last week, but was sent back on Monday because the pneumonia came back and the white blood cell count in his spinal fluid was high. And John isn't dealing with it very well, so I have to try to support him, but I'm not doing a very good job. I don't have the emotional resources.

There are many issues with my mother that are presenting themselves. I really can't deal with that. And I don't want to. I don't feel as though I know who she is and my brain has to work overtime during conversations with her, as I have to try to decide whether what she's saying is truth or not. I'm being heavily reminded as to why I've chosen to keep some distance between us.

It's over-simplifying to say that I'm emotionally drained this week. My energy is way down and I've been attempting to compensate by filling up on too much caffeine. I crash hard every single night. It's probably due to the family stress, but Nathan is really struggling with sleep. He has amazed us with his development, but sleep is the ONE thing that he will not improve upon. He won't give up the nighttime feedings and I think they've actually increased over the past week or two. He won't go to bed. It's been taking me 3-4 hours each evening to try to get him to sleep. I know all the Ferber advocates would tell me just to leave him alone, but I promise you, it's not that simple. Out of pure frustration, I let him cry one evening. He screamed for an hour and then I finally picked him up to have this little boy look at me with such hurt....he nursed almost violently for a whole half hour and even then, it took me another hour to get him calmed down enough to go to sleep. That was more stressful and traumatizing than any evening of rocking, nursing, holding, rocking, nursing, holding.....you get the idea.
He actually went down fairly easy this evening and has been asleep on my bed for two hours. He slept for 5-6 hours straight last night and I can say that it was desperately needed on my part. If only it could continue to get better. I guess I should be thankful that he is an otherwise easy-going baby. If sleep is the only issue we have with him, I'll take it.

This is the first real time I've gotten to myself in a week. Both boys are sleeping soundly and John is working late. I should be taking this time to take a bath or hey, sleep. But I needed to put this out there to all of you first. I'm having a hard time and I could really use some good thoughts and prayers. I don't know what I'd do without this blog sometimes....:^)

A wedding and an outing!

Note: Click on any photo to enlarge. If you click on the title to this post, it will take you to an online photo album with all the pictures from our weekend.

We had an eventful weekend and it was certainly nice to differ from our usual routine. On Friday, we attended my friend Liz Sugden's wedding in Battle Ground, Washington. I have known her since I was 4 1/2 and we haven't really seen each other since I was in high school. She's been working as a missionary in Russia for Northwest Yearly Meeting for the past few years. It was great to be invited to be a part of her big day and to see so many people that I hadn't seen in years. I think I made some people feel very old by showing up with my husband and two children!
The ceremony was beautiful and simple. There was an extended time of prayer and reflection, during which people could stand up and share the ways they had seen God working in Liz and Karl's lives. We were all led in song by Nate Macy, who really has some magic fingers on that guitar! The vows included a German custom, but I couldn't hear very well (outdoors and no sound system) so I can't really tell you what it was! After the ceremony, there was a beautiful reception, which included a Quaker wedding custom of everyone in attendance signing the marriage certificate. The food was great - turkey wraps, fresh fruit and veggies, chilled water bottles (it was very warm out there!), and punch. We ended up staying for over 3 hours. Every time we began to get ready to go, someone else that either John or I hadn't seen in forever would run up and we'd all stand there, chatting and admiring my babies. I don't know when I'll get to see Liz again, since she's moving to Germany, but it was an amazing time and I wish her all the best.
Saturday was taken up by John's engineering class, housework, and grocery shopping, so it wasn't too exciting (although Aiden got a few big boo-boos playing football with daddy outside that evening). But on Sunday, we skipped church, packed up the kiddos and headed to the Gorge. We drove along the Historic Scenic Highway to Multnomah Falls, stopping at Vista House on the way. It was slightly hazy and a little cloudy, but it still provided us with a beautiful view down the Columbia River.
We got to Multnomah Falls and found that everyone else had the same idea that we did! The parking was impossible and there were huge crowds everywhere! We still got a good look at the falls and even had some lunch at the snack bar.
After eating, we got back into the car and headed to Oneonta Gorge, which is just a little ways down the road. John and I had hiked there many years ago and even swam under the falls (you have to hike through the gorge, mostly in a stream, but Oneonta Falls are beautiful and well worth it), and John wanted to go back. We took the boys down to the stream, but since the hike is a little tough and requires some climbing of huge log jams, we only went as far as you can go while staying out of the water (takes about 2 minutes). We found a little tree-covered area of the stream bed that we had all to ourselves and Aiden had tons of fun splashing in the water and throwing rocks. We stayed there for only about 30 minutes, as Nathan was beginning to get tired and wasn't going to sleep strapped to me in the Snugli. So, we changed the boys (diaper for Nathan, complete change of clothes for Aiden) and headed back home in time for dinner.

I wish we could take the boys out like that more often, but it's a little hard with John's class and work schedule. Still, we had a great time and took a lot of pictures. Remember the album link in the post title to see more.

6 month check-up!

We met our new pediatrician today! And we have to give a big thank you to Hannah for the recommendation because we really like him!! He was very open with information and we covered basically everything as far as development goes. We discussed sleeping through the night (which Nathan is not even close to doing - mainly due to the marathon teething) and how to begin getting him there without letting him scream his head off (I know everyone is different, but I'm very opposed to the cry-it-out method).
He was very surprised that Nathan was crawling, bringing himself to a sitting position from his tummy, and had four teeth already. He said, "So you have a 9 month old in a 6 month old's body!". We both agreed that it probably due to Nathan watching Aiden's every move. I don't know if I really want Nathan walking at 9 months though....he still seems too tiny to be crawling.

Nathan got three shots and did so great! He stopped crying as soon as I picked him up from the table. Aiden looked very concerned about Nathan crying because of the shots, but I can't tell if that was actual concern for the baby or because he thought he was next. Just wait until October, kid....

We have a very proportional baby! He was 50th percentile all across the board. This just confirms my thinking that he is perfect. :^) I'm really not trying to start a fight with any other moms out there, I promise!

Here are his stats with the latest ones in bold:

Birth: 7 lbs, 2 oz. 20 1/2 inches
2 weeks: 7 lbs, 13 oz. No length.
2 months: 12 lbs, 3 oz (65th perct), 24 1/2 inches (93rd perct), 40 cm head
4 months: 14 lbs, 11 oz (50th perct), 25 3/4 inches (80th perct), 42 cm head (44th perct).
6 months: 17 lbs, 3 oz (50th perct), 26 1/2 inches (50th perct), 43 1/2 cm head (50th perct).

To grieve

Thank you to everyone who has kept us in thought and prayer over the loss of my grandma. It really means a lot to me.

I grieved very heavily yesterday. I cried for around 4 straight hours. By last night, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Before I went to bed, I was able to think through what attending her memorial service in North Carolina would require and I lifted it up to God in prayer. I was getting a feeling that it wouldn't be in my best interest to go out there at this time, but because I was so worn out, I didn't feel like I could work out the decision myself. So, I asked God to show me His will. If it wasn't my time to take the trip, to please make it very obvious so I could know for sure. I had found a round-trip ticket from here to Charlotte for $291, leaving Friday and returning Tuesday. An amazing find to be sure, as most last minute tickets were coming up around $1000. I told God that if the ticket price stayed at that price through this morning, I would take that as a sign to go. When I checked this morning, it had jumped to over $500. There was my answer.

I thought through why it wouldn't be good for me to go. I realized that I need to grieve and remember my grandma in a calm atmosphere. Going there with my mother (someone who I have been clashing with for many years now) to be around other family members who have distrust for each other would not make for a calm atmosphere. It would be upsetting and stressful.
I do feel as though I'm being led to go out there soon, just not now. I am hoping that within the next couple of months, John and I can go together and visit graveside. She will be buried along with her mother and father, and I have yet to visit them graveside. It would be a good thing for me.

Her memorial service is on Sunday afternoon. John and I have made a plan to take the boys to Multnomah Falls and spend some quality family time together that day. I will be able to grieve, process, and remember her well this way. Calmly, quietly, and surrounded by my loving family.

It is weighing very heavily on my heart to make my way out to North Carolina soon. So I will keep you all updated on that journey. Please continue to keep us all in prayer. There are some people who are just now coming out of shock and really realizing that she has passed. There is still much grieving yet to come.

A loss

Around noon today, my dad called to tell me that my grandma (my mom's mom) had passed away suddenly. She'd apparently had multiple aneurysms within a short amount of time and when they got her to the hospital, she had another one and they couldn't revive her. I'm in shock and a complete emotional wreck right now. I've been crying for the past 2 hours and I don't think Aiden is handling it very well. John has a meeting this afternoon that he can't get out of, so I'm on my own until this evening.

It's been 12 years since I saw her last, but ever since I was pregnant with Aiden, we'd been talking on the phone, writing letters, and I'd been sending her pictures of Aiden and my pregnancy with Nathan. John and I had been discussing taking the boys out to meet her in a few years. I really wanted to see her again.

Her service is Sunday afternoon in North Carolina. I want to go so badly. But I don't think John could go with me, I'd have to take Nathan since I'm nursing, I don't know my way around out there, and last minute tickets to North Carolina are so expensive. To put in perspective how upset I am right now, I'm very angry at the airlines for charging so much. It's so expensive, but it's my grandma and I know I'll be kicking myself if I don't go. I just don't know. I can't think straight, so I'll just leave it alone for now and wait to try to sort it out when John gets home.

Please keep my family in yours prayers. I'm doing very badly with this news and I know once it finally hits everyone else (they're all just shocked into silence so far), there won't be much emotional strength between my family members.

A full decade.

Ten years ago today, I met my husband. It was on the campus of George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon, during the Yearly Meeting sessions. I was 14 and enjoying my 2nd year at Yearly Meeting, John was 15 and had just returned from a YCEW (Youth Challenged to Expand their Worldview) trip to Cuba. The YCEW teams always attend Yearly Meeting and hold discussions and presentations about their trip.
John and I had been introduced by a friend of mine who was in the same small group as John and his girlfriend (Sally, for those of you who remember her). John had made some weird, nerdy comments and I thought he was cute, but a little strange. I was a very quiet person at that time (not to mention that I was on the awkward side, having orange frizzy hair and braces), so I think I barely spoke to John at all.
Later that evening, the YCEW team held a presentation in the student union and John was forced into doing a small skit that he had done for the kids in Cuba. The basic idea was that John's gloved hand had a mind of it's own and was attempting to kill him. Strange, but funny for little kids. During that skit, as I was watching along with all the other youth, I felt a little twinge deep inside. At that time, I didn't recognize the feeling and quickly dismissed it.
During the rest of the week, John and I spent more time together (along with other people) and I finally began to have full conversations with him (!). It wasn't until the bus ride home from the youth beach trip that I realized I had a little crush on him. At the end of the week, we exchanged email addresses and went on home. Him to Tigard, Oregon; me to Tacoma, Washington.

Fast forward to two years later: We had kept in touch and had seen each other once since the summer we met. It was John's senior year of high school and he sent me an email saying that he had been accepted at the University of Pennsylvania and would be moving to Philadelphia that fall. I cried. We made plans to see each other once more at Yearly Meeting that July. I decided that it was probably my only chance to finally tell him that I had feelings for him. After two years of keeping it to myself, you'd think I'd be excited to get it out. Really though, I wanted to throw up. I had always been a very shy person and though I had gotten a little more outgoing in those two years (thank you, Haley Thornburg!), I was still terrified of saying something so open to anyone. Especially someone that I cared about. Someone who could potentially break my heart and cause me horrible embarrassment.

He had come to the evening service with his youth group and as they were preparing to leave, I pulled John aside and asked if I could speak with him privately before he left. His youth leader, Don, told John to meet them at the van when we were done talking. So, I told John how I felt. Not in a very strong, confident way, but I thought he got the point. I came to find out later that he didn't get it and even when he got back to the van and his youth leader took him aside and said, "You know she likes you, right?" (keep in mind I had briefly met Don just minutes earlier - he is just that perceptive), John didn't believe it. It took the next day (8 years ago), when I told him again in a more direct manner. We shared our first kiss and then he promptly rejected me. I joke that I'm the only girl he's ever rejected. Funny, but true. He told me that he thought I was nice, pretty, and a great friend.....but he was going off to college and wasn't interested in a relationship. Ouch.
Well, we kept in touch even after he went off to college and you all can figure out the ending. :^)

We went to Yearly Meeting last night for the evening service and re-visited our benches. You see, there is a bench were we sat when I confessed my love for him and a bench where we sat when we had our first kiss. I've included some pictures from yesterday and you can click on any of them to enlarge. It was important to us to get pictures of these spots with our children in them. It's funny how "childhood love" can blossom into a wonderful marriage and beautiful children. Enjoy.

John and the boys on the "confessional" bench.

Me and the boys on the "kissing" bench.

John and I on the "kissing" bench, sitting in the exact same spots (yes, we're strange like that). Sorry it's blurry - I took two, but we looked awful in the other one.

Nathan in the rose garden. No memories there, just a picture. I love how his nose is all wrinkled!

Aiden in the rose garden.

Penguins and Teeth

Nathan now has four teeth! When I returned from my ultrasound appointment on Thursday, I sat down to nurse him and as his little mouth opened, I realized that there was an extra tooth in there. Since the first four tend to give babies the most trouble, I am hoping that once it makes it's way all the way through the gums, we can really begin to sleep well. He's been sleeping in longer stretches, but I am so ready to sleep through the night. Oh, I just don't end up with kids who teethe like it's no problem. At least Nathan doesn't have reflux like Aiden did on top of the teething.
We go in for Nathan's 6-month check on Wednesday with a new pediatrician. I am anxious to see how much he's grown in the past two months. He seems like a very big 6 month old to me. He's also outgrown his infant carrier (his feet hang off the end), so one goal this weekend is to move him into Aiden's convertible carseat and buy Aiden a high-back booster seat. I'll probably take pictures. :^)

Aiden has been very cute lately. Yesterday, he actually asked me if he could sit on the potty! And not the little training potty either; he wanted to sit on the big potty! Maybe this is our first real step towards potty training. Getting him out of diapers would be great, but I know that most boys don't potty train until closer to age 4, so I'm not going to push him if he resists. Every single book on potty training makes it very clear that bribery and rewards are wholly encouraged when it comes to potty training, so even though we just missed getting Aiden on the potty in time yesterday, I took him to lunch. He really likes the chicken stars from Carl's Jr, so he got those as a treat. It also helped that I didn't really have anything to make for our lunch, so we had to go get something anyway.

We took Aiden to the library last weekend and we picked out a couple of Sandra Boynton books (we really like her work). One in particular is called "Your Personal Penguin" and Aiden has fallen in love with it. I think we'll end up buying it for him. What's cute about it though, is the way Aiden says "penguin". I laugh every time. He pronounces it "peen-gwan". John made the observation that once Aiden starts saying it correctly, I'll be very sad. I believe that will end up being true, but maybe it will be a good thing as I've begun saying "peen-gwan" as well. It's a little embarrassing when it happens in public.

Watching these boys grow and develop is just amazing. Every time Nathan hits a milestone or Aiden learns something new, I remember how much I love being a parent. It's definitely something that you just can't understand until you experience it for yourself. I feel very blessed that God has given me these two beautiful boys to have as my own.

It's....apparently nothing.

I was able to get to my ultrasound with time to spare yesterday. They were running late, so with the extra time I had left myself, I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. Since it was the Northwest Perinatal Center that was doing my ultrasound, I was surrounded by pregnant women. I've decided that this is not a good thing for me, as I immediately begin contemplating having another child. I don't really handle pregnancy very well, so I am curious as to why my brain begins telling me that it wasn't really that bad and I can handle not sleeping for the next 2 years, right? I almost ran screaming from the waiting room!

So anyway, once they got me back there, she looked ALL around and said that everything looked normal and that she couldn't find anything. My midwife still has to take a look at the ultrasound photos and give me her opinion and possibly whatever step is next. I don't really know if there will be a next step. It might just be my body trying to sort itself out after childbirth and the pain isn't so bad that I can't go about my day. So, I may decide to take a wait-and-see approach on this. I guess I shouldn't make a decision until I hear from my midwife. It's entirely possible that she will see something that the ultrasound tech did not.

Well, I am off to take a nap for the first time in forever. Aiden is going to have some quiet time alone in his room while the baby and I snooze for a bit. Sleep is so very, very scarce these days.

Sick and sicker!

Sorry for the slight lapse in posting. My health has been in limbo for the past week and we had a busy weekend on top of that. I'll begin with the health issues.

On Friday afternoon, I had an appointment with my midwife. I've been having some abdominal pain for the past 2-3 weeks and they felt it was important enough that I be seen. After doing some tests and a thorough examination (always fun), the midwife decided that I should be scheduled for a pelvic ultrasound as soon as possible. Let me apologize in advance to any men out there or those of you who just get really disgusted. She believes that my ovaries are the source of the pain and wanted to check them for cysts (it's my own body and I still think it's gross). The good thing is that it's fairly common in 90% of women who are of childbearing age, but they still need to make sure that they are what they call "simple cysts" and not "compound cysts". Compound cysts are essentially small tumors and most times, require surgery.

So, I was scheduled for an ultrasound on Tuesday, but woke up Monday morning extremely ill (the room kept spinning violently and I was sick to my stomach) and wasn't sure if I'd be feeling better in time, so I rescheduled for Wednesday (today). John was going to come home from work to watch the boys while I went, but he confused the appointment time with my previously scheduled appointment and didn't get home in time. So I had to reschedule again. I'm scheduled for tomorrow afternoon (I'm wondering what will happen to thwart my appointment this time) and hopefully have childcare set up, but I won't know for sure until later tonight.

Our weekend was full, but we were able to spend time with lots of family. Brady and Carrie were here for dinner on Friday, after Carrie graciously let my toddler wear her out while I was at my appointment. We then had a short visit to the hospital to see John's grandpa (he looks better each time we see him). Saturday was going to be spent cleaning and cooking, but John skipped class and so we had a fun afternoon at the park and library with the boys. Sunday brought church and lots of rushing around, trying to gather drinks and desserts to serve to the people we were expecting for a get-together that afternoon. We had invited various people over for a small gathering to celebrate Nathan's 6 month "birthday", to show our "new" apartment off, and to just catch up with people. After everyone left, we did a quick clean-up and then went over to the hospital for another visit. Whew! Then the whole getting sick thing started the next morning....

So, as you can tell, we've been a little busy. It's not quite ending either. I have the appointment tomorrow and then will be getting home as quickly as I can to see my grandparents. They are in town for the afternoon and since we don't get to see them very often (which seems silly since they live only an hour away), I am hoping that my appointment won't take up the whole afternoon. Oh yes, and my photography class starts tonight. At least it's online and I am free to access it at any time. It may need to wait until tomorrow though. I'm unbelievably exhausted right now. I guess it's time to have some caffeine because I still have two babies that I need to bathe! I'll keep you all updated on the ultrasound results.

I really do watch my children

No matter how much time you devote to keeping your children in your sight at all times, they will still find time to do things that would make outsiders believe that you don't actually pay attention to your children at all. This week, my children have been working overtime on this. I have been spending a little more time on housework as the past few weeks have been insane and I've fallen a bit behind, but even so, I still watch my children! These photos, however, will have you thinking that I may be lying....

Aiden ate a blue marker. It says they're non-toxic, so I don't worry about it. It does make him look like he's wearing lipstick, but oh well. The next day's diaper was interesting.

This is what happens if I don't buckle him into his bouncer. He will stay put until I walk away. As soon as I am out of his sight, he will flip to his tummy and attempt to follow me. He then gets stuck in this position. I laughed so hard when I first saw this.

You'd think I'd learn. This is the 2nd time he did it in one day. I guess it's a new thing, so he must do it as much as possible to perfect it.

This actually happened as I was getting ready to do this post. I look over to see my baby attempting to eat a bag of potting soil. Do I stop him? No, I grab the camera.

I snapped the camera just as I said, "Nathan, what are you doing?". He looked so guilty! "Drat! She caught me!"

This wasn't bad; I just thought it was really cute that he wore himself out scooting around on the floor and had decided to take a little rest on his nursing pillow.

Fighting with love and hate

I'm having quite a bit of trouble with patience, love, and grace lately. But only towards a small group of people. My downstairs neighbors. This post is going to sound somewhat.....well, hateful. But I need to write about it and put it into words so that I can attempt to work through how I feel towards them and hopefully change my attitude. The first step is admitting that my attitude stinks, right?

How can I describe them? They are loud, obnoxious, smelly, disgusting, immature, disrespectful, irresponsible, dimwitted heathens. That may sounds harsh, but I'll go into why I say these things.

The woman who rents the apartment is a single mom of a 17 year old boy. She works a lot, so she's hardly ever home. This presents a lot of opportunity for a 17 year old male to do whatever he pleases, especially now that school is out (which makes me think...out comes the sun and with it, the idiots). The mom is a very heavy smoker. She chooses not to stop her 17 year old from doing the same. I am convinced that, at 17, he is already quite sick. He and his friends are often out on their porch (which is right below our solarium/office) and when I hear him speak, his voice is harsh and grating. He is coughing nonstop and nearly every five minutes, is coughing something up (quite loudly too). While I feel very bad for him (having emphysema at 17 can't be fun), it is the most disgusting thing to listen to and it's beginning to get at my nerves. In fact, I was so tired of hearing his battle with phlegm yesterday, that I began to think some very cruel things about him. I admitted to John what I had mumbled to myself about this boy, and John had no words. His mouth dropped open and he just stared at me. I won't go into what I said, but it was not kind and I really should be ashamed of myself.

Anyway, this boy has a small group of friends that are with him at all times. At 17, I expected them to act a little better than they do. It's pretty apparent that they haven't had much discipline and that their parents probably don't take much interest in what their children do. They act as if they were 12. They spend their time cursing, smoking, making fun of people, making fun of dogs that happen to bark, destroying property, being as loud as possible, saying things I pray Aiden doesn't overhear and repeat, and just yesterday, they began lighting firecrackers on their porch during Nathan's naptime.
One of his friends recently found a whip (yes, a full size, Indiana Jones-like whip) and has been bringing it over each day. They've been spending these lovely summer days hitting the apartment walls and each other with this whip. How grown up and mature of them. I can only imagine how long this will last until one of them gets hit in the eye with the whip and can no longer see. Sadly though, I think something like that would be the only thing that would stop them.

Since it is summer and has been quite warm, all of our windows are open. This means we get to hear everything that is said or done when they are outside. And because they are heavy smokers, they are outside a LOT. This brings me to smoking aspect of things. Every time they smoke, the second-hand smoke comes into ALL of our windows. It's like magic smoke! It's just drawn to our windows. So, every time they smoke, my apartment ends up stinking. I have two small children. I have asthma. This is not a good thing. But honestly, there's nothing that we can do to keep them from smoking. Technically, as long as they don't do it in their apartment, it's ok. It's very frustrating.

So, like I said, I'm having a huge issue with patience, love, and grace. Right now, I feel like it would be fine if they disappeared and never came back. On the difficult days, I find myself wishing things that I probably shouldn't. Like, maybe they'll get evicted. I keep wishing that they'll move, but every end of the month that goes by and they're still here, my heart sinks a little. I would speak to them about the issues, but they don't seem to be gracious or kind people and I don't think a discussion would be welcomed. I have gotten so tired of them, I've stopped trying to make Aiden stop stomping or kicking the floor. When we first moved in, I didn't want to disturb them, but now, I honestly don't care. If I have to smell their smoke and hear the filth that comes from their mouths, they can deal with my toddler jumping up and down over their heads.

I love our apartment and I love the complex. It's just the people downstairs. I groan when I see or hear them coming home. Nothing can be perfect I suppose. I know I should just pray for them and leave it up to God, but it's really really hard sometimes. Especially now since I've taken myself of the zoloft for my post-partum depression....I get bothered very quickly lately as I adjust to being non-medicated.
I know I need to approach this in a loving manner and know that it will all work out in the end. I can't control what other people do or how they act, as much as I would like to sometimes. Ok, deep breath, and off to do laundry.

A big fat update

Wow, so much happening and not enough time to write about it. I guess I'll start with the big stuff first.

Last Sunday, John's grandfather had an aneurysm. Looooooong story short, they still can't find it and we're just sort of waiting. While I have no idea how John is handling this (he's a male, what do you expect?), I'm having a little bit of trouble. I've never had to deal with anything along these lines, so it's taking a bit of adjusting for me. There's a certain amount of stress and worry that goes along with something like this and children are very good at picking up on that. So, Aiden's behavior has definitely changed this past week. He's extra clingy and temper tantrums have skyrocketed when it comes to bedtime. I tried to spend a little extra special time with him today while Nathan was napping, but that seemed to make bedtime even worse. We made chocolate chip cookies together and I showed him how to do macaroni art. It was a fun time to be sure, but he just fell apart at the end of the day. After we put him in bed, John said that it was a good thing we don't live in a time where most people believe in demonic possession or else we'd be in trouble. Yes, it was that bad.

Nathan, meanwhile, is popping out teeth like it's the only chance he's got. He's gotten three teeth in as many weeks. I just wish his hair would grow with such vigor. Sleeping has gotten a little bit better, mainly because I think he's not in nearly as much pain during the night. It's still bothering him in the evening some days, but it seems to be tapering off. The first four teeth are supposed to come through fairly quickly, so maybe we can get the fourth one through and finally get some sleep at night. I don't expect nursing to get any better for a while though. All I can say is.....shredding. And bleeding. But hey, I am not one to give up because something hurts (how do you think I got through dance training?), so the nursing must go on! If I can dance en pointe with two broken toes, a sore boob isn't going to stop me from breastfeeding.
He's also begun saying his first word. "Dada!" started being part of his vocabulary (if you can call gurgling and babbling vocabulary) just two days ago. It was Aiden's first word as well, but hopefully Nathan will begin saying "mama" long before Aiden did. I had to wait 16 months for that sweet little baby voice to call out for me.

My brain just completely pooped out on me, so I've forgotten everything else that I was going to write about. Really stinky.....oh well, it'll come back to me as I'm laying in bed, attempting to sleep. I guess that's my sign to wind down for the night. I'll write more later.

Applesauce Muffins

We Minthornes thought this was so yummy, I just had to share it with everyone!
I had a huge jar of applesauce in the fridge and thought it would probably make really good bread or muffins or something. I was right! We had this along with dinner, but it would make for a really good breakfast food or an afternoon snack. Enjoy!

Applesauce Muffins

2 cups all purpose flour
1 tbls baking powder
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/3 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup milk
1 cup applesauce
1 large egg
1/2 tsp vanilla

Instructions:
Heat oven to 425. Grease 12 muffin cups.
In a bowl, combine dry ingredients and blend.
Melt butter in a saucepan.
Remove from heat and stir in applesauce and milk.
Beat in egg and vanilla.
Stir in applesauce mixture into dry ingredients.
Bake 15 to 20 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes before removing muffins from muffin cups.

He's a mover!

He's moving! Our little guy tries to crawl with his head on the floor, with his head not on the floor, and then he goes up on his hands and feet. I don't have a picture of it yet, but he's also been working on trying to get himself to a sitting position from his tummy. He's almost made it quite a few times. Enjoy the pictures of our adventurous 5 month old!

Guess who's eating solids??

We couldn't wait any longer. He would literally leap out of my arms to get to food! Needless to say, I have to make sure I'm holding this kid VERY tightly around anything edible! We've only done rice cereal so far, but will be starting some veggies here really soon. As you can tell from the pictures, he was very happy and very ready to get some solids!

The face after his first spoonful! No "yucky" faces for this kid!

He would grab the spoon and shove it in his mouth any time I would get close to him.