Just a number

If you're one of the lucky people to whom the unemployment numbers are just that....numbers, then feel free to add John to that list of nameless numbers. He was laid off today.

He waited to tell me until after I got home from work, which was probably the best thing since I spent a good half hour crying more than I have in months. It was the type of cry where as soon as I thought I couldn't cry any more, I'd think about what it all meant and I'd start up again.

Obviously, this puts our home buying plans on hold, which kills me. And now, I'm thinking about how we can pay our rent, pay our bills, feed our children, everything that you need money in order to do. Thankfully, I do have a job and while it pays only minimum wage, I should be able to go full time or at least as close to full time as possible.

I'm numb. And even though I've spent the last two hours crying off and on, I don't think it's really hit me. I should be thankful that the kids are young enough that they won't remember this or really know what's going on. We can keep Aiden in school through the end of the school year, which is great. I would hate to have to take that away from him. Hopefully the unemployment will be short lived enough that we can keep his spot in his class for next year.

I am desperately trying to remember that I can find strength in the Lord, but I'm not doing so well. I feel very weak and at times, I can barely breathe. Hopefully this is just the initial hit of the news and I won't feel like this constantly.

I really have nothing else to say. I'm exhausted and emotionally depleted, but I had to get this out there. It's like talking to someone when it's too late to call anyone. We'll get through this.