Mommy Fail

As I've mentioned recently, and of course those of you who spend time with us know quite well, Aiden is a very special child. Interesting and sensitive. Very sensitive. I've been told this is very normal for children who are considered gifted and it's a challenge. I think I'm really understanding why there are support groups for parents of gifted children. I feel like I'm failing big time. Especially the past week or so, I've felt like I can't do anything right for him. Everything is upsetting to him, I say all the wrong things, when I try REALLY hard to be a good parent, it's just blowing up in my face.

Earlier today, he asked how babies were made. I told him that mommies and daddies make babies together. He says, "I KNOW that, but HOW do you make them together?". See, he knows the differences between men and women, he knows where babies come out, and he has a book on how our bodies work, so he's read all about the reproductive system. He just wanted me to clear up those fuzzy details. I couldn't give him the answer he wanted and he wasn't happy. I'll be honest - I didn't WANT to give him the answer he wanted. He's five. I don't feel like he's old enough to know that last detail of what has to go where in order to make a baby. Sorry Aiden!

Fast forward to this evening. Both boys were in desperate need of haircuts. They both readily agreed to them (odd for them) and sat happily while their hair was cut. Aiden was last and when he was done, he looked in the mirror. He immediately began crying and holding his hands over his forehead. He tells me that he thinks his forehead is too big, and he doesn't like the way it looks, and he wants longer hair in front to cover his too-big forehead. I had no idea!! I didn't know that five year olds got self-conscious, but then again, I don't have a normal five year old and I seem to be unable to remember that. He cried for almost an hour. I finally had to promise that we'd buy him a baseball cap tomorrow to wear until his hair grows back in front.

These are just two little incidents out of a few weeks of more and more struggles. I feel like an awful parent. A completely unprepared parent who isn't smart enough to handle her own child and what he needs. I told my sister in law this past weekend that it's like having a special needs child, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes I get really worried about what next year in public school is going to be like for him. I'm afraid that they are going to look at it as behavioral issues. Acting out. Naughtiness/disobedience. And sometimes it's hard for me to remember that it's not the case. There's nothing WRONG with him. He's just having a hard time understanding that not everyone thinks the way he does and it upsets him. And now that we know this, everything makes sense. But figuring out how to help him lead a "normal" life is what's hard and some days I wonder why God thought I could do this.