Relieved

I got a call from the library. They decided to go with someone else, but she was very insistent that they thought I was very impressive and she asked permission to keep my name in case they have another position open up. I've never been so relieved to be rejected.

That must sound strange, but here's how the past two days went. I came home not really knowing how I felt about the interview. As the day went on, something was nagging at me. It just wasn't feeling quite right. This position was going to be different from the one I had originally applied for because it would require me to work some mornings and afternoons, not just evenings and weekends. As John and I talked about it more and more, taking the job would mean we would need to find a daycare for the boys. I wasn't ready for that. My kids are so important to me and time with them, especially at this age, means more to me than anything. Yes, I wanted to work in the library, but was I willing to place my children in daycare to do it?

I was feeling like I didn't think I could do it, but didn't make a full decision on it. Finally, she called and gave me the news. I am honestly so at peace with this, it's ridiculous. If this had been something that we had been going for and had made the decision that daycare was something we were fine with at this point, then it would have been ok. But this came out of nowhere and I wasn't prepared to have to make that decision. I got off the phone and gave the boys HUGE hugs.

My kids aren't going to be this age again and I want to enjoy them as much as possible. I am happy to have a job that works around my current needs, allowing John to be home with them when I'm not. I'm surprised how little disappointment I feel....in fact, I'm not really feeling disappointed at all. Just interviewing felt like I did something to approach my dream job and that felt great. It will happen when the time is right and my gut feeling told me that now was not the time.