I was told something by my manager that has gotten me thinking. I've been at this job for just under three months now and what she told me wasn't really expected so early on. She mentioned to me that it was completely up to me if I would like to begin training for the assistant manager position. As much as I would LOVE to say yes, there are some big issues - Aiden and Nathan. I would have to work full time hours (a minimum of 32 hours a week) and John isn't going to be unemployed forever. What would I do with them? I could try to set up childcare with the lady from church who has been watching them occasionally, but then there's the issues of Aiden getting to and from school....it just doesn't seem like it would work.
Here's the thing: I really want it. I like this job and I know I'd be good at it. And I know it's just retail, but it would look great on a resume to say that I made assistant manager in three months. So there's a part of me that wants it very badly. But then I feel so selfish. The kids are so little and they really do miss me. And once John went back to work, I can't really imagine myself dumping them off with a babysitter for most of the week. I know working moms do it all the time, but I'm extremely prone to guilt and I don't think it would end up well.
So while it sounds good now, while John is home with them, it probably wouldn't sound good once he's back at work. However, there's still the little nagging part of me that wants to go for it. I have missed working and I enjoy my job (except for the occasional rude customer!). I'll probably kick myself a bit for not taking the opportunity. But I know I'd be kicking myself even harder if I completely miss out on my kids being this age. I just don't think I can do it. But how to get rid of the little selfish voice inside?
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3 days ago
2 comments:
Carrie, I've been going through the same thought process, and I've been talking to A LOT of moms about what their working/mothering experiences have been. As wonderful as it is to stay home with your kids, many moms have told that they love being able to work, because it makes the time they spend with their children very intentional. They never get to the point where they've "had enough". Your kids will always know that you love them, even if you leave them with a babysitter, and especially because you got to spend so much time with them early on. So I think that if you really want this position (and to be offered a full-time job in this economy is a great thing!), then I think you should consider it. But every woman, and every family is different. I'm just passing on some of the advice I've been given (and maybe trying to justify going back to work next year myself).
sounds like someone needs some time in prayer :)
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