This is hard to do

I will warn you all now: I'm going to be very open in this post and it's going to sound a little down.

Nathan is now 5 weeks old and while I'm definitely getting used to him being here, things are still very difficult in some areas. I don't feel quite as sleep deprived as I did in the first 2-3 weeks, so that's good. I think I'm pretty much recovered physically, although my hips and knees still bother me during the night. I'm still having some issues with crying a lot at the drop of a hat. I'll need to be truthful about this with my midwife when I see her next Monday. Part of me is going to want to lie and tell her that I feel fine, because she's going to want to discuss post-partum depression with me. When I went in at 3 weeks, I told her that I was still very emotional and she told me that it was somewhat understandable since I was taking care of a newborn AND a 2 year old by myself during the day, but that she wanted the crying spells to be nearing an end very soon. Well...2 weeks later and they don't seem to be nearing an end.

I do have a lot of trouble in asking for help, even if I desperately need it. This, I believe, is due to the fact that while I was growing up, if I asked for help with something, I would get the response of "Why? Are you stupid?" from my mother. I have trouble shaking the feeling that if I ask for help even now, people are going to think that I'm incompetent and lazy. I definitely have the super-mom complex.

This is very hard for me to do, but I must because I promised my husband that I'd get over myself and ask for assistance. I seem to be handling housework and laundry OK, but I am having a very hard time in getting dinner on the table. I know this is very impersonal, but I want to put out there that if anyone who lives in our area that reads this blog would like to help with dinners, I would be more than grateful. Even just a store-bought frozen lasagna would lift a lot of stress from me right now.

I'm surprised how hard that was to write. I know that you all love me and have offered help, but it's extremely hard to fight the fear that you all are going to look down on me for asking. Just know that I appreciate all the help that we've received up to this point and it really has made a difference in our lives while we continue to adjust to having a new baby.