Downer

I'm going to try my best to keep this as perky as possible, but in all reality I'm writing this post to get some things off my chest.  You've been warned.

This week has been a struggle.  It is taking forever to get through.  I finally gave up on everything I had planned yesterday, asked the boys to play in their room for a while, and I had a nice long cry.  I'm learning that it's ok to throw in the towel sometimes.

Where to begin?  I don't feel very well rested this week, the boys are into another round of fighting constantly for no reason, I can't manage to keep the house picked up even though I feel like I'm constantly cleaning, and I'm mad.  Mad at my mouth.  And I almost guarantee you that it's what is bringing down the rest of the week.

On Tuesday, I had my surgery consultation regarding removal of the extra wisdom teeth that I've grown.  The good news is that they aren't full wisdom teeth, just little buds, and they're on the top, making them easier to remove.  The surgeon believes that it will be easy and fast and that general anesthesia isn't needed, just local.  The only downside is that one of teeth will be a bone extraction, so I have be comfortable with cracking sounds and massive amounts of pressure on that side (other people have added that there will also be a smell of curdling blood).  The local anesthesia will require 12 shots into my mouth/face, which apparently can be painful.

Here are the pros and cons of local:
Pros:  We have no dental insurance (on purpose).  General anesthesia will cost $522 more than local, bringing the total cost to $1270 instead of $748.  Budget-wise, local looks pretty good.
I do not react to anesthesia and pain killers normally.  They don't cause any actual problems, they just make me really sick (think the worst flu you've ever had).  In terms of avoiding multiple days of sickness, local looks much better.  That also goes along with recovery time being shorter for local.  Plus, not being put under is much less dangerous.

Cons: I will be awake to hear the drilling and cracking, feel the pressure, and smell the blood and flesh.  Because one will be a bone extraction, it could take up to an hour.  I will have to be able to follow directions and move my mouth around at their prompting for the entire time.  I have a sensitive gag reflex and have nearly vomited on a dentist when they were working in the back of my mouth before.  I don't want to end up vomiting blood during surgery.  The big thing: I have a massive amount of anxiety when it comes to dental work.  Just the thought of going through this again brings me to tears.  If I think about all this, general sounds much more relaxing (until I think about what I'll be dealing with right afterwards).

When it really comes down to it, I am most likely going to go with local.  And I think that is what is stressing me out.  I'm probably anticipating the whole thing way more than I should be, and it really could take just 10 minutes instead of an hour.  The dentist said that he would prescribe me some valium to take before the surgery.  Knowing how I respond to meds, that alone might knock me out or at least put me out of it enough to not care about what's happening to my gums.  I've been over this personal pep talk so many times over the past few days.  I'm upset that I have to go through this again.  It feels stupid to say that I'm terrified, but I am.

The surgery is scheduled for January 10 at 10am.  John is taking the day off from work, since I'll be in no shape to do anything.  That week will be interesting since he's only taking one day off and they've told me to give myself up to 10 days to recover.  If anyone locally feels up to taking my children for a little while during a day that week, please let me know.  I'm sure we'll need the help.

I'm sure this post was thrilling for all of you, but it feels good to write out what's been going around and around in my head since Tuesday.  I could really use some prayer for staying calm as the surgery date approaches.  This anxiety is a real bummer and in reality, is probably not even needed.  The whole thing could be quick and easy.  Worst case is it takes a little while and I have a bad experience listening to my own teeth getting cracked out of my skull.  It certainly wouldn't be the end of the world.

For now, I'm looking forward to getting through this week (I have yet another dentist appointment tonight), catching up on some much needed sleep this weekend, and hoping that the boys can work out whatever is going on between them.