Limbo

I should be in bed since I work an open-5 shift tomorrow, but I'm procrastinating. I took a bubble bath and watched a movie, so of course I now need to blog a bit to really top off my night.

The past few days have been difficult emotionally. While I am having a better week than last week (no jury duty!), I am feeling increasingly frustrated. I feel like we're stuck. John has gotten no responses from applications and I find myself waiting for that fateful phone call that will bring our lives back to normal.
I was doing really well, too. But I went through the photos on our camera and I had apparently forgotten that the pictures from the house we had put an offer on were still on there. I couldn't delete them quickly enough. It hurt a bit to look at them, but I didn't dwell on them and got rid of them as quickly as I could.

I really hate not knowing when this is going to end. There is no part of me that wanted to work full time when my kids were this small. I miss them and I want to be home. John is fine at tidying up, but my home is not how I had it before and I don't have the time or energy to seriously clean and organize. I want to go back to looking for a house to buy. We're cramped and I'm growing tired of renting and dealing with landlords/management. Basically, I just want things back to normal.

At least this all comes in small waves and I don't feel constantly overwhelmed and weepy. I think seeing the pictures just brought it all back up. I suppose it's some sort of grieving process. The loss of John's job meant the loss of quite a few things and it's taking a lot of adjusting. We won't be stuck in this forever, but that knowledge doesn't keep me from feeling like screaming every now and then. Day by day, right? It will turn around.