Everyone BACK OFF!!!

I felt like screaming that last night and then running from the apartment. It was just one of those days. Aiden was having tantrum after tantrum, Nathan refused to sleep unless he was nursing and in my arms, John had a headache when he got home from work, and there was so much housework to do. Not to mention having to feed everyone dinner. By 9pm, I was reaching my limit of what I could take. I felt like even the guinea pig wanted a piece of me. She really just wanted food and water, but I just couldn't handle the incessant squeaking!!

It's days like that where I have to take a moment and remind myself that the Zoloft isn't a cure-all. It does help me handle things I little better than I could on my own right now, but it won't disappear all of my stress and anxiety. I'm trying to figure out how to sort out everything that needs to be done. A list is probably the best way to start. And working one room at a time. I've always had a hard time sticking to that. I want to rush around and take care of all the rooms at once, but that just causes me to get massively overwhelmed and then nothing ends up getting done at all.

I'm wasting time sitting here writing about everything I need to do. My brain is stuck in a middle area. I'm beginning to get my motivation back from being pregnant and having a baby, but I'm still really tired and feeling a bit lazy. My head wants to work on projects, my body does not. So for now, I'll sit here and stare at the mess, complaining about how badly it needs to be cleaned up.

Guess who's 2?

Aiden has been acting more like a 2 year old than ever. I have no clue why and I'm really ready for it to be done with. As I write this, he sits in his room screaming at the top of his lungs - all because I put him down for his daily nap. I even read him book, which I probably shouldn't have done, seeing as he's having a full blown temper tantrum. Oh well. I love my child and I thought it might calm him down. It did momentarily, until I told him to have a good nap and then left his room. He's really mad. Now he's throwing things and screaming. I will assume that he only has so much energy to put into this tantrum and that he will eventually fall asleep. Silly assumption? Maybe. But if I begin to think that there's even a slight possibility that he may spend his entire naptime screaming like a banshee, I may just have to have a tantrum myself.

We've been moving some furniture around. Maybe it's stressing Aiden out, since some of it includes his room. It's mostly out of neccesity though. John and I took a trip to IKEA on the 15th (the first time we've been to the new store) and purchased a real dining room table that seats more than 2 people and a larger bookcase. We'd gotten to the point where we were being overrun with text books, literature, and new DVDs (which we never seem to get around to watching). So we had to move one of our bookcases into Aiden's room, replacing a smaller bookcase in there, which we then moved out by our fireplace. We also moved the desks and filing cabinet, so that it's a little more condensed in that area of the main room. It seems to be working a little better than it used to. And even though the new table is larger than the old one, it seems to make the dining area look much more open. I'm really enjoying our new furniture.

All this furniture moving is forcing me to organize and clean things that I've been letting go for quite some time. I find myself again watching Oprah this afternoon, this time an episode entitled "Into the Lives of Hoarders". This couple's 3000 square foot house is filled to the brink with stuff and trash. There are no words to describe how shocking and disgusting it is. Why do I watch these things???

2 months and growing!

Nathan had his 2 month checkup today. It was my first experience in taking both children out by myself, when they weren't able to be contained in a shopping cart. Aiden ended up running away from me in the parking lot, but thankfully it wasn't busy and I was able to catch him quickly.

Nathan's stats are:
Birth: 7 lbs, 2 oz; 20 1/2 inches.
10 days: 7 lbs, 9 oz. No length taken.
12 days: 7 lbs., 13 oz. No length taken.
2 months (today's check): He weighed in at 12 pounds, 2 oz (65th percentile). His length is 24 1/2 inches (93rd percentile). I'm wondering how we ended up with such a tall baby. I'm 5'2 and John is 5'8! At Aiden's 2 year checkup, he measured in the 95th percentile, so I guess we'll just have tall children. My fear is that they'll shoot up to about 5 feet and then stop. Poor things....

I was a little nervous going in there today because our pediatrician surprised us last time with the fact that he has very different views on vaccines than we do. It was surprising to me because he likes to follow the delayed/selective vaccine schedule and I didn't know that there were many pediatricians out there who openly do that. John and I like to stick with the American Academy of Pediatrics schedule, to avoid later confusion when enrolling the kids for school and also because I strongly feel that the vaccines were created for a reason. If we didn't really need them, they wouldn't be given. I was afraid the pediatrician might give me some trouble with wanting to do the full vaccine schedule or try to talk me out of it, but he didn't. He did make sure that I knew how much aluminum was in each vaccine and that I was agreeing to it. I appreciate him making sure I knew what was involved. I'm sure many parents don't know and most pediatricians wouldn't even mention it without being asked. Poor Nathan's legs are pretty sore from getting poked five times, so he's a little fussy. He dealt with it like a champ though and calmed down very quickly.

I got the news today that our pediatrician is opening his own practice, so I don't know if we'll follow him or not. I guess it depends on if our insurance is going to cover his new practice. We wouldn't stay with the current practice after he leaves. Aiden doesn't like female doctors and our pediatrician is the only male there. Though I guess this may be our opportunity to find a pediatrician who follows the same views on vaccines that we do. Problem is, John really likes our current guy and I really like the fact that he's very open about his faith and brings that into treating his patients. I guess we'll have to see how things play out.

Oh, busy day. John forgot his lunch, so I had to take that to him around noon. Then I took the boys to McDonalds (well, Nathan will get his McD's later in some milk) and then over to Target to get John a present for our anniversary on the 30th (3 years!). On the way home, there was a small bug stuck to my drivers side window. He was holding on for dear life and his antennae were blowing in the wind as I was driving. It was very cartoon-like and pretty darn comical. I'm quite exhausted and my kitchen is so messy, it's basically unusable right now. So tonight is the night to use our gift certificate to Papa Murphy's. You know things are bad when your husband offers to hire a maid!

Darn you, Oprah!

I posted a few weeks ago about possibly finding another apartment in either Beaverton or Hillsboro. We've done some searching around online and have found a few nice places, but nothing that would really save us much on rent. Maybe between $25-50 a month, which I'm sure would add up after a while, but is it really worth doing another move over? We're not completely decided. Our lease is up at the end of the month and while legally we don't have to sign another 10 month lease, the management company is trying to basically bribe people into renewing their leases. They are offering free carpet cleanings, free apartment cleanings, free accent wall painting....you name it. I think they're having a hard time keeping people around. I've seen 5 people move out in the past 2 weeks and not anyone moving in.

If we don't move, I'd like to try to make this space work a little better for us. Even with the huge amount of closet space that we have, I still feel like we're being overrun with stuff. Time for a good cleaning out, I guess. I watched Oprah today, which I something that I never do. She was making over people's homes. People who were stuck in a decorating rut and who weren't utilizing their space very well. It got me all motivated and twitchy like daytime shows on pack-rats desperately in need of a professional organizer tend to do. I haven't been able to do much in terms of organization since I starting getting too pregnant to really move. Sure, I'm not pregnant anymore, but you try finding the energy to organize a room when you barely have the energy to brush your hair in the morning. Maybe I can convince Oprah to send her guy Nate over to my place...