Bullying

Have you spoken to your kids about bullying? As nasty of subject as it is, we've had numerous conversations with Aiden about bullying. Bullying comes in many different shapes and forms. It can carried out over a long period of time or it can be a fleeting moment from someone you just met. Aiden had never experienced it first hand - until yesterday.

We had been invited to a BBQ (I won't say where because what happened is no fault of the people hosting the event) and even though we knew one, maybe two people there, we decided to attend. There were probably around 6-8 kids in a medium-sized backyard, so it was easy to keep an eye on them. And then a guest arrived with his nine year old son. The son immediately started behaving like a lunatic: running around screaming, chasing other children with sticks and baseball bats, taking toys from smaller children. Translation: He was being a bully. Aiden recognized this and informed me that he was trying to stay away from the kid as much as possible. And in case you're wondering where his dad was throughout this, he was standing right there. Yep, watching his kid torment other children and not doing a darn thing about it. I was convinced someone was going to get hurt, so knowing that Aiden was doing his best to stay away from him made me feel slightly relieved.

I had been doing my best to make sure either John or I was outside at all times to make sure Aiden was safe from this kid. And then it happened that John and I were inside at the same moment for about 30 seconds. In those 30 seconds, this nine year old targeted my six year old, chased him down behind the side of the house where no one could see, shoved Aiden hard into the dirt, and held him down. I heard Aiden screaming like he was being murdered and suddenly a few of the older kids were running to their parents, saying that the nine year old was hurting Aiden. I am so thankful that the older children were able to clearly state to other adults what was happening so that there was no mistaking what had occurred.

Aiden was screaming and crying so hard, he couldn't speak. He was covered in dirt from his head to his feet. His entire right side was covered in scratches and was bleeding. I was furious. Since John was there and the other kids were giving clear information, I immediately took Aiden into the bathroom and locked the door. I couldn't deal with this bully and his ignorant father. It wouldn't have been constructive or pretty, and I didn't want to cause a scene at someone else's house. There is no way I would have been able to get a word out without yelling or cursing. I had the overwhelming urge to take that child over my knee and give him a spanking he wouldn't soon forget. But I couldn't (and shouldn't) do those things, so I felt it best to lock myself away to help Aiden.

It took a full 30 minutes to clean Aiden up and get him calmed down. In that time, I could hear some commotion out in the living room. From what I could gather, the child hid right after he attacked Aiden and it took a few minutes for his father to find him. I heard someone talking with John and then the sound of the front door. John told me that the father and the boy apologized and then promptly left. Good. If they hadn't left, we were going to. I wasn't staying in the same place as that child. Aiden was finally cleaned (except for a few splinters that I couldn't get removed without making him bleed more), he had stopped crying, and I was to the point where I could show my face without looking like I was about to punch someone.

Now, I am glad that the father apologized for his son's attack on my child. However, it might not have happened had the dad dealt with his son's initial behavior in the first place. There is a reason children should be given rules and boundaries and punishments, and it was painfully obvious that this child had never experienced any of that. Sadly, I do think that the only reason he apologized and left was because there were 30 other people staring at him and his bully of a child. He was probably embarrassed, and rightfully so. I am angry at that boy for attacking Aiden. But I am more angry at his father (his mother was not there, so I don't know what the family situation is) for allowing that kind of behavior.

I am immensely thankful that other children were aware of a bullying situation and knew that they needed to immediately inform adults of what was happening. It is so important to teach children about bullying - not only for their sake, but for the sake of other children as well. We had a long talk about bullying when we got home. The discussion was little different now that he'd experienced it and now he knows that it can happen at ANY time, even from someone he just met. We ended up being up for about two hours in the middle of the night after he had a nightmare about being beaten.

This was a nasty experience. And it was a horrible reminder of how awful children to be to others, and how clueless some parents can be. No one wants to think of their child as a bully, but if you see that kind of behavior coming from your child, please deal with it and don't just assume it will go away. You never know when someone might get hurt.