Are You Kidding??

I had my first "Are you kidding?!?" moment of 2011 this past Thursday.

My dad was in town all week and we were getting ready to head out for a fun day with the boys. I grabbed my phone and saw that I had missed a call from a number that I sort of recognized. I was right - it was from the supervisor at the Cedar Mill Library. You remember that I had interviewed there a few months back. I returned her call and she said, "I told you that I was very impressed with you and that I would call you if I had another opportunity to hire you." My heart jumped into my throat. But then she said, "Would you like an on-call position that I have open?". My heart sank.

I have two kids and there's no way I can make an on-call position work. If I were called in, I'd have to be within an hour. I don't have childcare available to me that I can use at the drop of a hat. I know what kind of availability she wanted from an on-call staff member from when I interviewed and I can't give that to her. I felt like hitting my head against the wall. Days later, I'm still reeling a little bit from turning down my dream job. I felt like I died a little inside when I told her no. John has been very supportive, letting me know that he supports and agrees with my decision, that the kids and him finishing school need to come first, that I WILL get my dream job when the time is right. I just have to keep reminding myself that I interviewed once for a library position and was offered a job (even though it was a few months later). That in itself is amazing to me and gives me hope that it will happen someday.