Aiden and the Stigma of TAG

I haven't written about Aiden in a while - mainly because it's really hard to truly describe what's been going on. And also because there's a bit of a fear of stigma with the whole thing.

As many of you know, last school year was really, really, reallllllyyyy hard. Every single day was a challenge and I ended up in tears multiple times per week. Aiden would react to various things with huge uncontrollable outbursts. We had no idea what to do. We knew that at least part of the reason was the lack of challenge coming from 1st grade. He was bored and he was angry at having to do "baby work". The school did a few things to help, but as you can imagine, assessing a 1st grader for exactly what he needs education-wise and actually being able to supply it is a big, complicated thing. By the end of 1st grade, things were ever so slowly improving, but we were still concerned for 2nd grade. And our daily life was still far from easy.

Over the course of 2nd grade so far, I've been called to come see the principal more times than I would like to count. I've cried in his office. I've removed Aiden from school for the rest of the school day sometimes. I also check in with his teacher every single day. I email her throughout the day as well. A's actions are so monitored, I'm like the mommy version of the NSA.

It's been a year since we started seeing a family counselor and that has been a huge help. Not only for attempting to figure this complicated thing out, but also for assuring me that I am not the world's worst parent (I've gone to bed many nights wondering what on earth I've done wrong).

Here's where the stigma comes in: I've tried to be open about these struggles with other people and they always ask the same question: "What developmental disability does he have?"

There's the issue. He doesn't. He's gifted. He has been classified by the school district as gifted, with abilities into high school level. And then the somewhat hidden eye rolls happen. Oh poor me. Mom of a gifted student. It's like it's something that can't be talked about as a problem because it's not supposed to be a problem.  But you know what? I'm exhausted, I've wanted to scream, and I just want the problem to go away. I've held my breath when I'm outside his classroom waiting to pick him because I never know when I'm going to be pulled aside by the teacher for something he did. I will add that my mommy friends who have gone through very similar issues with their children have been the model of support for me - there is no judgement from them. The eye rolling others and the ones who tell me that it's "obviously just a behavioral problem"? I'll chalk it up to lack of understanding.

I didn't really realize why it was so hard to discuss this with other people until John and I sat down with the principal, Aiden's teacher, the TAG coordinator, and a handful of other educational assistants yesterday afternoon. The principal brought up the "stigma" of TAG and how some parents choose to keep it hidden from everyone because of fear of judgement, even when they're struggling to deal with it. Then he said, "These are issues that are in the books about TAG students. And they are issues that we can fix." They won't be fixed right away, but we are on a much better track.

We have a fantastic team of educators behind us. You hear so many horror stories about public schools and zero tolerance garbage, but our school is wonderful. The principal is understanding and willing to listen, Aiden's teachers are emotionally invested in him, and the support staff takes their role in helping Aiden succeed very seriously. The plans they've outlined for him are phenomenal and we can't wait to see what impact this will make on Aiden's education.

Today, we sit in a very different spot than we did a year ago. Aiden still struggles from time to time, but things are better. We've changed his diet (no high fructose corn syrup,  no artificial colors, and very limited sugar), we've altered his sleep schedule, and the school is trying to challenge him more and provide with him outlets to encourage his interests. His outbursts don't happen every day anymore, and when he does get upset, he recognizes it and calms himself down immediately to deal with the issue. He's communicating better and we have been able to deal with some things that he's brought to our attention (social anxiety is a big one). We don't know if the huge change in him is from the diet, the sleep, or the school, but we are SO relieved at his progress.

I love Aiden more than I can express. His brain works in amazing ways and I can't wait to see where he goes in life. TAG is a wonderful thing, even if I can't always talk about it. And hopefully some day soon, I won't feel like it's a problem that I need to keep hidden.

Lego Robotics, Chopsticks, Biology, and a Very Long Weekend

Two weeks ago, Aiden wrapped up his six weeks with his school's Lego Robotics team. It ended up being slightly more chaotic at the end than we would have liked, but considering the worst that happened was that we were all incredibly exhausted, I suppose it wasn't too bad. But let me back up a bit....

The Lego Robotics teams worked on designs to assist with recovery after natural disasters. Aiden's team worked on a wild fire solution. So every Tuesday and Friday for six weeks, Aiden stayed after school to go to team meetings and building days. It was a great opportunity for him to work on working with others as a part of a team - something he struggles with (I'll write a post about some challenges we've dealt with this school year later).

Aiden's portion of the design was a car that runs into a tree, knocks the tree on to a house, and then the roof collapses. I wish I'd gotten it on video. It was very smooth and creative!

One of the great things about this Lego Robotics team is that was run by Aiden's 1st grade teacher, Mrs Perry. I was able to relax knowing that someone who knew Aiden and what he struggled with was in charge. She's a fantastic teacher. (We're hoping Nathan gets her next year!)

So the chaos part. We had been told that the Lego Robotics exhibition (where all of the Jr Lego teams from the PDX area displayed their designs) was Saturday, March 15. St Patrick's Day weekend.....super easy to remember! Suddenly at noon on Friday, March 7, I get an email from the other coordinator. "Oops, we gave everyone the wrong date. It's actually tomorrow morning." WHAT?!? Had they ANY idea how crazy our week had been and was continuing to be? 

We had agreed for Aiden to attend a biology class at Multnomah University with Grandpa Dwight that very evening. That meant while the team was staying late scrambling to finish, Aiden had to leave so I could get him to grandma's and grandpa's on time. That also meant that Aiden was not going to get home until 10pm that night, and then have to turn around and get up at 6am the next morning. Honestly, we probably wouldn't have agreed to the biology class had we known the real exhibition date, but Aiden loved learning more about biology and using microscopes so I suppose the lack of sleep that night was worth it!

We needed a little bit of down time before the exhibition the next day, so while Aiden was out getting science-y with grandpa, John and I took Nathan out for chinese food. Nathan is our adventurous eater and we figured it would be a good time to take advantage of that. Plus, I did not feel like cooking.

 It was Nathan's first experience with chopsticks. Even after showing him how to use then, he went about it his own way. Unfortunately, he'd ordered lo mein. That's a hard thing to eat with chopsticks even when you're used to using them!

 He eventually switched to a fork.

Bright and early the next morning (it was actually still dark, but whatever), we grumbled and crawled our way out of bed to head out to OMSI. I could have kissed whoever decided coffee pots could be pre-programmed the night before. Traffic was absurdly busy for 8am on a Saturday, but we made it and were treated to a very nice parking spot close to the building. Yay for getting there well before they open to the public!

There were probably 25 teams from around the area and it was fun to look around and see all the projects. Upon closer inspection, I giggled at one of Aiden's teammates info cards that she had written. Without any knowledge as to what she's talking about, it seems a little frightening.

 "My name is Lena. I am in 2nd grade. I like math and swimming. I learned they can kill us. I am 8 years old."

While this wasn't a competition (that's the next level), each team was assigned a reviewer. These are high school students from around the area who are involved in the highest robotics competition levels. They have all made it to state competition with their designs, and a small portion of them have made it to the west coast competition in San Diego.

Aiden's team was one of the first teams to be reviewed. Here is Aiden doing a very good job explaining their design to the reviewer. He was calm and eloquent. I got a little teary eyed watching him. So proud!

After a long morning (and a HUGE coffee from OMSI's Galileo cafe), it was time for the awards ceremony. Each team was awarded a certificate with a creative title specifically regarding their design and what was most impressive to the reviewer, and each team member got a medal. One of Aiden's team members had quit the program a few weeks in but had already been registered with the exhibition. Since Nathan had been to just about every meeting (I was a team mom and Nathan had to come with me), Mrs Perry made him an honorary member at the last moment and sent him up with the team to get the additional medal. 

Even though we were very tired by this point, we took full advantage of being at OMSI and had a fun afternoon playing. 

 As we came up on this magnet area, Aiden shouts "Ooohhh!! Benzene!!"

Around 4pm, Nathan had a crying meltdown from exhaustion, so we figured it was time to head home. After a stop at the grocery store for something easy for dinner (yet again, I was not going to cook), we got home and all promptly collapsed. A two hour nap never felt so good.

Dr Honeydew

I may have been mentioned before: I'm not a dog person. Ok fine....I wasn't a dog person. Then Buster happened and I realized that I really preferred dogs over cats. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes it's nice to have an animal that will leave you alone every now and then - something dogs DON'T do.

After I realized that I liked Buster, we got Dr Honeydew from the Oregon Humane Society. I seriously questioned why on earth I agreed to get a bigger dog for a long while. But we've had her now for almost two years and I have to say that she has really grown on me. She's not super smart (I had been under the impression that labs were intelligent dogs), and she is scared of everything (especially the dreaded grocery bag) but she has so much love for all of us.

Dogs become like their owners? We apparently rest our arms the same way during bedtime stories on the sleepover mattress.

After trying and failing to make the upstairs a dog-free zone, she was allowed free reign of the house once she stopped chewing up everything in sight. We also decided to let her sleep in our bedrooms at night instead of sticking her in the crate. I think she likes it, and we adjusted to hearing dog noises all night long fairly quickly.

Except sometimes she forgets the she has a dog bed in our room, and that pillows and blankets are for people. Um, that's MY side of the bed, Honeydew.

Yeah.....she did not want to get out of our bed. I finally elbowed her over to John's side so I could go to sleep. Then it was John's problem.

Catching Up

 I had a few more snow pictures that I saved to finish up blogging about our snow storm a few weeks back and then I never got around to it.

We went out to play LOTS, but John thought I was overdoing on the layers.

 I disagree.

Every few hours the area in front of our fireplace would look like this. Gloves, hats, shoes. All drying out so we could go out and get cold and wet again a little while later.

The treadmill became a drying rack.

Fun with snow! What else is there to do when you're stuck at home?

Where did our garden go??

We measured every few hours since it just kept coming down. Depending on where we measured, it varied from 10-14 inches. So we ended up with roughly a foot of snow over a few days. It was amazingly beautiful and such a rare thing for us.

We had SO much fun with our snow days (the boys were out of school on Friday and Monday, so we ended up with a long, snowy weekend). We played, we drank massive amounts of hot chocolate, we watched movies in front of the fire, and we ate every single bit of the food I had bought in preparation for the snow storm. The dogs discovered snow. Buster loves it. Honeydew gets stressed out.

What a fun, memory making weekend!